Hourglass figures have 30% higher levels of reproductive female hormone, estradiol, for fertility-compiled by T.K. Lim. 27 April, 2009.
Very Busy women, who are highly successful, over-exercised women, and obsessive dieters , very slim and very straight- up-and down, females who do not have hourglass figures, are likely less conducive to Child-bearing or becoming pregnant. Experts in anthropology, and infertility are not surprised by the findings.
Demanding careers can affect fertility due to changes in hormones and body shapes.
In Current Antropology, Prof. Cashdan from the University of Utah, fpund out from 37 different populations and cultures , that hormonal changes affect the woman’s waist to hip ratio WHR), a formula derived by dividing someone’s waist by her hip measurement. Marilyn Monroe types of large breasts and narrow waists have a curvy WHR of 0.7 (i.e. waist is 70% of the hip circumference), which links to medical papers to optimal fertility.
Hourglass figures have about 30% higher levels of female reproductive hormone, estradiol, compared with other body shapes, hence, have roughly three times more likely to get pregnant. Besides, such curvy figures have also higher levels of oestrogen and progesterone, the other hormones linked with fertility.
Those women with WHR above 0.8 have more difficulty of conceiving, possibly lower attractiveness to men, displaying more masculine, straight-up-and –down figure. With work stree and drive to succeed and compete, a shift in hormonal balance of oestrogen to be replaced by male hormone, androgens, which include testosterone which is associated to strength, atamina, and competitiveness.
Predominantely highly successful women do not have hourglass figures , but bear straight-up-and down shapes. Oes trogen level drops when women over-exercise and diet obsessively. They become less fertile, so are the very skinny women who under-eat.
Rose Frisch, Assoc. Prof. at Harvard University found out too low calories and too little body fat triggered the brain to switch off her body’s ability to reproduce by gradually restricting the flow of hormone leptin, a drop or two of kilogrammes which can tip a normal woman into infertility,. She continues to menstruate but not ovulate during her cycle. Also, androgenic hormones underly women’s professional mettle can transfer fat from hips to waist- the more fat that settles on her belly, the lower the oestrogen. The distribution of less oestrogen affect conceiving.
Thus, stress can often triggers a cascade of events that result in reduced levels of two hormones, Crucial to ovulation. Prof. Berga at Emory Univ. Sch. Of Medicine, said those who did not ovulate had excessive lenels of stress hormones cortisol present in the brain tissue, upon squeezing excessive work and exercise. “You can’t fool the brain, as the hypothalamus, the part that controls the release of hormones, keep tally of what you are doing”.
About 20% of infertile women have problem of ovulation. Lifestyle, anxiety and stress. Talking therapies,
Cognitive behavioural theapy can boost the chance of pregnancy through reversing stress, with good nutrition, a balanced exercise and few hours of less stress,
Monday, April 27, 2009
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Bearing My Testimony of the Church and the Gospel
On 8 June, 2008, Elder Joshua Subandriyo (Area Seventy) called upon Anthony Lim and Sister Ho to give their testimonies at the general Conference of the West Malaysia District Conference. It came as a complete surprise to me, and an exhilarating experience.
I just spoke at a normal tone. When I was ten years old, I wanted to be a priest to serve God for I knew it was the best occupation I could think of. I wasn't thinking of the money earned then, but to work for Heavenly Father like those who work for their business is the best security.
I was spiritually born 35 years ago in this Church, being baptised by my cousin , John Lim, at Merlin Hotel, Kuala Lumpur at 6.30am, symbolic of the rising generation to follow. . At early dawn, the swimming pool was cold, I felt a tingling sensation all over my body. My decision came after having gone through years of research of religions and Christian denominations. But midway studying the Book of Mormorn as another testament of Jesus Christ, where recurrent battles between Nephites and Lamanites. made me ponder and ask God, if the Book was the word of God. "This is it" was the answer I received, and I engrossed myself fervently in the pursuit of Truth and revelation. If it was from God, then I must devote myself to enjoy his words,more than I would from secular books. I also realised that Jesus Christ Himself endorsed that the Mormon Book was divinely inspired, as He confirmed in Doctrine and Covenants (D & C) 1 :30, and several parts in D & C., and in Ezekiel 37:19 as the stick of Judah (record of Bible) and the stick of Joseph (Book of Mormon) being brought together as witnesses of Jesus Christ in the hand of Ephraim and other tribes of Israel(the latter-day saints having these two divine books).
From a Buddhist Novice Monk convert to a Christian Elder was not an instant process. I believed I was prepared from Pre-existence time until I was ready , and I did immediately accept the restoration of the Gospel like a lightening revelation. In fact, I vowed to Heavenly Father, I would serve Him for the rest of my life, if He would reveal the Truth to me. He did, and I embraced it instantly.
When my son, Elder Elisha Lim, was scheduled for Ogden Utah Mission, he was later "transferred" to Brisbane Mission. That night, I still told him, he was going to Utah, and he laughed, at the 9/11/2001 event which prevented several months of delay of missionary work.including transfers. Next week, he went to the Ogden Utah Mission,happily and adding strength to his weakening testimony. Three other miracles followed after our 25 days of studying the Book of Mornon three hours at night and three hours in the morning, with references to the Seminary and Institute manuals, and making our own summary of Mormon Book. I felt spiritually uplighted at the zenith of my hope for my son. He served his mission successfully leading in baptisms and as Zone Leader.
I want to thank Elder Joshua for allowing me to bear my testimony. I want to say I love Heavenly and Jesus Christ. I want also to express my love to each of you and hope to see you again in His Royal presence.
In Jesus Christ's name. Amen.
I just spoke at a normal tone. When I was ten years old, I wanted to be a priest to serve God for I knew it was the best occupation I could think of. I wasn't thinking of the money earned then, but to work for Heavenly Father like those who work for their business is the best security.
I was spiritually born 35 years ago in this Church, being baptised by my cousin , John Lim, at Merlin Hotel, Kuala Lumpur at 6.30am, symbolic of the rising generation to follow. . At early dawn, the swimming pool was cold, I felt a tingling sensation all over my body. My decision came after having gone through years of research of religions and Christian denominations. But midway studying the Book of Mormorn as another testament of Jesus Christ, where recurrent battles between Nephites and Lamanites. made me ponder and ask God, if the Book was the word of God. "This is it" was the answer I received, and I engrossed myself fervently in the pursuit of Truth and revelation. If it was from God, then I must devote myself to enjoy his words,more than I would from secular books. I also realised that Jesus Christ Himself endorsed that the Mormon Book was divinely inspired, as He confirmed in Doctrine and Covenants (D & C) 1 :30, and several parts in D & C., and in Ezekiel 37:19 as the stick of Judah (record of Bible) and the stick of Joseph (Book of Mormon) being brought together as witnesses of Jesus Christ in the hand of Ephraim and other tribes of Israel(the latter-day saints having these two divine books).
From a Buddhist Novice Monk convert to a Christian Elder was not an instant process. I believed I was prepared from Pre-existence time until I was ready , and I did immediately accept the restoration of the Gospel like a lightening revelation. In fact, I vowed to Heavenly Father, I would serve Him for the rest of my life, if He would reveal the Truth to me. He did, and I embraced it instantly.
When my son, Elder Elisha Lim, was scheduled for Ogden Utah Mission, he was later "transferred" to Brisbane Mission. That night, I still told him, he was going to Utah, and he laughed, at the 9/11/2001 event which prevented several months of delay of missionary work.including transfers. Next week, he went to the Ogden Utah Mission,happily and adding strength to his weakening testimony. Three other miracles followed after our 25 days of studying the Book of Mornon three hours at night and three hours in the morning, with references to the Seminary and Institute manuals, and making our own summary of Mormon Book. I felt spiritually uplighted at the zenith of my hope for my son. He served his mission successfully leading in baptisms and as Zone Leader.
I want to thank Elder Joshua for allowing me to bear my testimony. I want to say I love Heavenly and Jesus Christ. I want also to express my love to each of you and hope to see you again in His Royal presence.
In Jesus Christ's name. Amen.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Message of Hope-Salvation and Exaltation
Message of Hope--Salvation and Exaltation.--A Talk by Anthony Lim, 25 May, 2008.
Since the foundation of the world and creation of life, man has vigorously seek the elixir of youth and the eternal life. He desires to enjoy the zenith of life, the joy, peace, safety and pleasures of life, and yet cannot obtain it, without the blessings of God. We may, however, retrograde to the opposite of zenith, which is nadir of hope. Why can't man be wise enough to choose the right course of action in order to enjoy the right consequence of results?
Maybe, he has not taken time enough to think, study and analyse to pursue the eclectic divine way to God. Since time immemorial, man has engrossed in the pursuit of happiness and material wealth.
With the advance in technology, science, and communications, people world-wide are assaulted through political, economiic and social systems compounded and accelerated than ever before, even fight or wage war for survival or possesion of lands for vain glory extension of property and lands.
People continue to promote entitlements more than enlightenment.
The Entitlements they cherish and target competitively are the seven P's---
Pride. Power. Pleasures & Positions in life, Possessions, Privileges. and Pornography. forgetting the enligtenment of five S's--Spirituality, Sacrifice, Santification and Salvation of Souls & Service to mankind for the underprivileged, poor and have-nots.
Thanks to our Father in Heaven, families can be united together forever in the celestial kingdom through the Plan of Happiness or Salvation. Thus, we are entrusted to proclaim the gospel to everyone on earth, as well as to promote change for a better life by being born again new persons.
These can be achieved by not just to inform but give input for education and advancement; not just to impart information of God's good tidings, but create an impact in their lives; not just to share the gospel and temporal things but to shape people's lives; and finally not just to preach service but to provide charitable service to mankind so as to change the destiny of indivuals and families. The Gospel is to change people's lives for the better, through repentance, faith, baptism and endurance in following God's ways, and provide service for mankind , a worthy goal and dream of humanity.
We believe building strong families will create strong societies which, in turn, establish a united and a strong nation.
What can build a strong family? By following two important principles:
1. Create a unity of family values and purpose in the family.
2. Establish a binding link with the spiritual forces of heaven with the family.
Do you know that The Gospel of Jesus Christ brings Tidings of great Joy to Mankind? Because the Acronym "Gospel" simply means "God's Only Son Preaches Eternal Life."
G OD'S
O NLY
S ON
P REACHES
E TERNAL
L IFE.
In Moses 1:39: "This is my work and my glory to bring to pass the immortality and the eternal life of man".
Since the foundation of the World, God the Father and Jesus Christ, His Son, had two main objectives in the Plan of Happiness or Salvation for man.........to establish the work of immortality and salvation of souls and crown his glory of eternal life and exaltation of man.
This morning, I wish to draw your attention to Elder Russel M Nelson's Talk on Salvation and Exaltation.
When he was in Kuala Lumpur with Elder Maxwell fourteeen years ago to dedicate the land of Malaysia for proseltying work. it was cancelled at the last minute, Elder Nelson saw the Vision 2020 displayed in our city and immediately referred to 2 Chron. 20:20 "Believe in the prophet, and thou shall prosper." He was impressed that Malaysia believed that vision.
To be saved or gain salvation- means to be saved from physical death and spiritual death.
Through the Atonement and Resurrection of Christ, all mankind will be saved and resurrected from physical death.
We can be saved from spiritual death by our faith in Him, living in obeying his laws and ordinance and serving Him.
To be exalted refers to the highest state of happiness and glory in the celestial kingdom.
Salvation is an individual affair as a born again person who has an individual faith and repentance to come to God through baptism and his enurance of living a godly life.
Eternal life or exaltation is a conditional gift with service to mankind and endurance of a godly life. A man can obtain the highest degree of celestial glory with a worthy wife with sealing in the temple and doing temple work for ancestors.
Since we are not released as parents as in church callings, we are responsible to teach children to walk in God's ways. and honor thier parents and do temple work for ancestors.
Do not control your children, especially teenagers. Treat them as adults, as independent, and free adults with ideas to contribute to family unity.
As a word of encouragement to singles, who are not married in this life or sealed to parents in this life.Cheer up! We know the Lord will judge each individual according to his desire and work. and the blessings of exaltation wil be given to all who are worthy and endure to the end.
For the married, congratulations, " you are lawful heirs, according to the flesh and have been from the world with Christ in God"
In all your trials, troubles, and tribulations (3 Ts),sicknesses, and sufferings even unto death, be careful you do not betray God---be careful you don't apostatize."--Joseph Smith.
The Gospel of Jesus Christ is a messgae of Hope for mankind--to prepare for salvation and eternal life. The time is now!
I say this in Jesus' name. Amen.
Written and given talk by Anthony Lim, 25 May, 2008. Kuala Lumpur Church branch.
Since the foundation of the world and creation of life, man has vigorously seek the elixir of youth and the eternal life. He desires to enjoy the zenith of life, the joy, peace, safety and pleasures of life, and yet cannot obtain it, without the blessings of God. We may, however, retrograde to the opposite of zenith, which is nadir of hope. Why can't man be wise enough to choose the right course of action in order to enjoy the right consequence of results?
Maybe, he has not taken time enough to think, study and analyse to pursue the eclectic divine way to God. Since time immemorial, man has engrossed in the pursuit of happiness and material wealth.
With the advance in technology, science, and communications, people world-wide are assaulted through political, economiic and social systems compounded and accelerated than ever before, even fight or wage war for survival or possesion of lands for vain glory extension of property and lands.
People continue to promote entitlements more than enlightenment.
The Entitlements they cherish and target competitively are the seven P's---
Pride. Power. Pleasures & Positions in life, Possessions, Privileges. and Pornography. forgetting the enligtenment of five S's--Spirituality, Sacrifice, Santification and Salvation of Souls & Service to mankind for the underprivileged, poor and have-nots.
Thanks to our Father in Heaven, families can be united together forever in the celestial kingdom through the Plan of Happiness or Salvation. Thus, we are entrusted to proclaim the gospel to everyone on earth, as well as to promote change for a better life by being born again new persons.
These can be achieved by not just to inform but give input for education and advancement; not just to impart information of God's good tidings, but create an impact in their lives; not just to share the gospel and temporal things but to shape people's lives; and finally not just to preach service but to provide charitable service to mankind so as to change the destiny of indivuals and families. The Gospel is to change people's lives for the better, through repentance, faith, baptism and endurance in following God's ways, and provide service for mankind , a worthy goal and dream of humanity.
We believe building strong families will create strong societies which, in turn, establish a united and a strong nation.
What can build a strong family? By following two important principles:
1. Create a unity of family values and purpose in the family.
2. Establish a binding link with the spiritual forces of heaven with the family.
Do you know that The Gospel of Jesus Christ brings Tidings of great Joy to Mankind? Because the Acronym "Gospel" simply means "God's Only Son Preaches Eternal Life."
G OD'S
O NLY
S ON
P REACHES
E TERNAL
L IFE.
In Moses 1:39: "This is my work and my glory to bring to pass the immortality and the eternal life of man".
Since the foundation of the World, God the Father and Jesus Christ, His Son, had two main objectives in the Plan of Happiness or Salvation for man.........to establish the work of immortality and salvation of souls and crown his glory of eternal life and exaltation of man.
This morning, I wish to draw your attention to Elder Russel M Nelson's Talk on Salvation and Exaltation.
When he was in Kuala Lumpur with Elder Maxwell fourteeen years ago to dedicate the land of Malaysia for proseltying work. it was cancelled at the last minute, Elder Nelson saw the Vision 2020 displayed in our city and immediately referred to 2 Chron. 20:20 "Believe in the prophet, and thou shall prosper." He was impressed that Malaysia believed that vision.
To be saved or gain salvation- means to be saved from physical death and spiritual death.
Through the Atonement and Resurrection of Christ, all mankind will be saved and resurrected from physical death.
We can be saved from spiritual death by our faith in Him, living in obeying his laws and ordinance and serving Him.
To be exalted refers to the highest state of happiness and glory in the celestial kingdom.
Salvation is an individual affair as a born again person who has an individual faith and repentance to come to God through baptism and his enurance of living a godly life.
Eternal life or exaltation is a conditional gift with service to mankind and endurance of a godly life. A man can obtain the highest degree of celestial glory with a worthy wife with sealing in the temple and doing temple work for ancestors.
Since we are not released as parents as in church callings, we are responsible to teach children to walk in God's ways. and honor thier parents and do temple work for ancestors.
Do not control your children, especially teenagers. Treat them as adults, as independent, and free adults with ideas to contribute to family unity.
As a word of encouragement to singles, who are not married in this life or sealed to parents in this life.Cheer up! We know the Lord will judge each individual according to his desire and work. and the blessings of exaltation wil be given to all who are worthy and endure to the end.
For the married, congratulations, " you are lawful heirs, according to the flesh and have been from the world with Christ in God"
In all your trials, troubles, and tribulations (3 Ts),sicknesses, and sufferings even unto death, be careful you do not betray God---be careful you don't apostatize."--Joseph Smith.
The Gospel of Jesus Christ is a messgae of Hope for mankind--to prepare for salvation and eternal life. The time is now!
I say this in Jesus' name. Amen.
Written and given talk by Anthony Lim, 25 May, 2008. Kuala Lumpur Church branch.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Recalling Natural Disasters, Cyclones, Earthquakes and Tsunamis
11 May, 2008 Sichuan Province in China suffered more than 50,000 deaths, and many thousands missing, and homeless. Two weeks before that Myanmar suffered more than 100,000 deaths due to cyclone Nargis, many thousands missing and homeless.
While in the midst of disasters, there were some cases of miraculous lives being saved.
Yet, a week before China suffered the earquake of 7.9, many locals noticed thousands of frogs travelling in mass floods crossed the streets without fear of traffic.
Scientists said that animals had a sixth sense of knowing in advance an impending disaster would take place.
When tsunami struck Aceh and surrounding lands of Thailand, and Asia,on 26 December, 2004 where 350,000 died due to waves of ten storeys high pummelled inlands, the whole town Aceh was destroyed. Stories had been said, before the disaster fell, Aceh had suffered some years of Christian persecution and Churches being damaged. Reports of miraculous saving of survivors were also reported, like a baby survived floating a few days on the sea, some survivors clinging to boards or tree trunks. in ceylon near the zoo, the animals escaped scurryingto the top of the hill. Amazing no animals or few were reported dead. Did they have the sense fof impending disaster and escaped tragedy before it happened?
It was interesting to note, that a week before Tsunami struck,our electricity reading and other residents' meters soared ten-fold increase through the Condo homes at Bukit Bintang,Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, sending shock waves to residents. My own meter reading shot up many times above the average monthly reading! It was also felt that internetting was interrupted for a few days; it was explained by experts that the under-ocean beds were damaging the cables there.
Thousands of sea-cucumbers were seen floating around the sea area due to the disturbing hot waves underneath, a few days before the tsunami disaster.
When tsunami struck that day, Malaysia felt the 5.8 tremor. sending residents scurrying down from their condos. Some noticed dishes being tossed side to side. like a rowing boat being tossed over waves. Some residents were terrified, a few held their hands in a clasping prayer.
While in the midst of disasters, there were some cases of miraculous lives being saved.
Yet, a week before China suffered the earquake of 7.9, many locals noticed thousands of frogs travelling in mass floods crossed the streets without fear of traffic.
Scientists said that animals had a sixth sense of knowing in advance an impending disaster would take place.
When tsunami struck Aceh and surrounding lands of Thailand, and Asia,on 26 December, 2004 where 350,000 died due to waves of ten storeys high pummelled inlands, the whole town Aceh was destroyed. Stories had been said, before the disaster fell, Aceh had suffered some years of Christian persecution and Churches being damaged. Reports of miraculous saving of survivors were also reported, like a baby survived floating a few days on the sea, some survivors clinging to boards or tree trunks. in ceylon near the zoo, the animals escaped scurryingto the top of the hill. Amazing no animals or few were reported dead. Did they have the sense fof impending disaster and escaped tragedy before it happened?
It was interesting to note, that a week before Tsunami struck,our electricity reading and other residents' meters soared ten-fold increase through the Condo homes at Bukit Bintang,Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, sending shock waves to residents. My own meter reading shot up many times above the average monthly reading! It was also felt that internetting was interrupted for a few days; it was explained by experts that the under-ocean beds were damaging the cables there.
Thousands of sea-cucumbers were seen floating around the sea area due to the disturbing hot waves underneath, a few days before the tsunami disaster.
When tsunami struck that day, Malaysia felt the 5.8 tremor. sending residents scurrying down from their condos. Some noticed dishes being tossed side to side. like a rowing boat being tossed over waves. Some residents were terrified, a few held their hands in a clasping prayer.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
(E) WHAT ARE OTHER GREAT WAYS OF INCREASING RELATIONSHIPS?
What are other Great ways of increasing relationships?
Have you experienced when you serve others in the happy spirit, relationships blossom immediately.. But, when we do it out of sense of obligation, it is not a gift at all; it does not build relationships; it wears them out. Do it for the fun of it. Do it the right spirit, service can be a pure joy. Even Pres. George Washington signed as "Your most humble and obedient servant", carries more weight, power and grace, Mother Teresa counted service to the very poor in Calcutta not as sacrifice but much joy she was experiencing.
Harvard researchers tested 132 students on the immune system of the body after seeing Mother Teresa helping the dying in Calcutta. There was dramatic increase in the immunity---using the saliva of students for the immunoglobulin A, a vital defence against the cold virus. When the same group saw Hitler's movie, the immune system was depressed.. Thus, those who serve others live so much longer.; so does meditation, giving a kind of relief from stress.
Dalai Lama was asked how he maintained inner peace and joy. "Look what's in front of you." he answered. Shift your focus to someone who needs help---in front of you...breaking away stress.
From 1940s and 1950s, customer relations slogan was "The customer is always right.", changing to customer satisfaction, and now, in globalization, satisfied customers do not talk, they are silent. Now, by word of mouth, we must delight the customer to talk, through customer astonishment, with all kinds of surprises. Gary Gietz mobilized his Astonishment Team to help build Scott his favorite home, which was later called "Astonishment House” for Colon cancer patient Scott Anderson, who later refurnished his home for his three year-old daughter, Ashley. Astonishment is to bring the best of yourself to others!
What is the difference between involvement and commitment? The chicken is involved by producing the eggs, while the pig is committed of being the ham.
Relationship building is the principle of daily renewal. If you struggle with relationships, you think commitments are external, and just feelings. Misunderstanding occurs when we put it off. Carry it through, and you will build a great relationship every day.
When we feel optimistic, it becomes attractive to the other persons who will treat us better, understand us better, and increase our behavior we are acknowledging. “If people do not feel uplifted after meeting with you, then you are not a leader.” Field Marshall Montgomery declared. Including parenting. It is much easier and quicker to generate optimism, than through scaring the children through shame and guilt. Use the brain in vision, engaging the left brain ( logistic, and linear ) and the right brain (creative and visionary) requires more time, energy and courage, optimism enlarges the rewards! Build a habit of optimism and it will create good relationships with your family and others.
The real secret to success is enthusiasm, maybe, more so with excitement.
Have you heard a Chinese Proverb saying:- “A Man without a smile should not open a shop.”?
For relationship to progress, love must be active, goes out first and then it comes back. People who struggle in relationship have a opposite concept of love: waiting for it and maybe, waiting to get lucky. “Do the thing and you shall have the power.”-Emerson.
Which comes first, the courage to act or the act?
Most people think to have the courage first. Not really. Thinking it so limits people and prevents the enjoyment of other people. Emerson says it is the act first, then courage. Do the thing you are afraid of, and the fear will eventually diminish. Do the thing and you shall have the power.
Salespeople face fear daily; fear of cold-calling, fear of meeting powerful decision-makers, fear of closing a business deal, fear of asking a really large request of someone. Just make the sale. Just ask her out. Do the thing you fear and you shall have the power.
WE only fear what we do not understand. So, become a thinker, eyes open, and be an expert on that person.
Fear and love are two basic emotions. Hating someone means you fear something, mad at someone may mean you are afraid of losing something.
You can trace any anger to fear. So, the solution is to understand. All anger comes from fear and we only fear what we do not understand.
Do not take customers personally. Have fun with them-even the angry customers. Those who react with customers have hard time with customer relations emotionally… Be creative and clever. Let them feel you are on their side. Mirror their movements, talk, expression. After their talk, encourage to give details until they wear out. When we ask what kind of amends we should recommend.. they will answer. “ You have already done it. All I wanted was someone who cared….someone who would listen to me. You have done that.”
Train oneself to respond thoughtfully, or cleverly, to someone who is angry or mad. Be emotionally independent. Do not allow other emotions dictate your response. I cultivate and nurture my own emotions. People have no power to make us mad or angry.. Have creative thinking flowed by courageous effort…..by our own controlling our own consciousness, By making a difference, I am in control of my thoughts and my life.
Happiness and a meaningful life come from making differences.
The more we keep making differences, your skill will automatically increase. Anything human beings repeat they get more skillful at. Including misery!”
Whenever we make someone feel wrong for how they are feeling, we put distance between us. Feelings are the same. Closeness comes from revealing ourselves, dramatizing what we have in common.
Criticism creates distance, but agreement brings us closer.
To connect with the other person, is to think of listening as a skill, a conscious and thoughtful action. Relationships will alter immediately for the better, when we do away from most people reacting emotionally and unconsciously.
Have you experienced when you serve others in the happy spirit, relationships blossom immediately.. But, when we do it out of sense of obligation, it is not a gift at all; it does not build relationships; it wears them out. Do it for the fun of it. Do it the right spirit, service can be a pure joy. Even Pres. George Washington signed as "Your most humble and obedient servant", carries more weight, power and grace, Mother Teresa counted service to the very poor in Calcutta not as sacrifice but much joy she was experiencing.
Harvard researchers tested 132 students on the immune system of the body after seeing Mother Teresa helping the dying in Calcutta. There was dramatic increase in the immunity---using the saliva of students for the immunoglobulin A, a vital defence against the cold virus. When the same group saw Hitler's movie, the immune system was depressed.. Thus, those who serve others live so much longer.; so does meditation, giving a kind of relief from stress.
Dalai Lama was asked how he maintained inner peace and joy. "Look what's in front of you." he answered. Shift your focus to someone who needs help---in front of you...breaking away stress.
From 1940s and 1950s, customer relations slogan was "The customer is always right.", changing to customer satisfaction, and now, in globalization, satisfied customers do not talk, they are silent. Now, by word of mouth, we must delight the customer to talk, through customer astonishment, with all kinds of surprises. Gary Gietz mobilized his Astonishment Team to help build Scott his favorite home, which was later called "Astonishment House” for Colon cancer patient Scott Anderson, who later refurnished his home for his three year-old daughter, Ashley. Astonishment is to bring the best of yourself to others!
What is the difference between involvement and commitment? The chicken is involved by producing the eggs, while the pig is committed of being the ham.
Relationship building is the principle of daily renewal. If you struggle with relationships, you think commitments are external, and just feelings. Misunderstanding occurs when we put it off. Carry it through, and you will build a great relationship every day.
When we feel optimistic, it becomes attractive to the other persons who will treat us better, understand us better, and increase our behavior we are acknowledging. “If people do not feel uplifted after meeting with you, then you are not a leader.” Field Marshall Montgomery declared. Including parenting. It is much easier and quicker to generate optimism, than through scaring the children through shame and guilt. Use the brain in vision, engaging the left brain ( logistic, and linear ) and the right brain (creative and visionary) requires more time, energy and courage, optimism enlarges the rewards! Build a habit of optimism and it will create good relationships with your family and others.
The real secret to success is enthusiasm, maybe, more so with excitement.
Have you heard a Chinese Proverb saying:- “A Man without a smile should not open a shop.”?
For relationship to progress, love must be active, goes out first and then it comes back. People who struggle in relationship have a opposite concept of love: waiting for it and maybe, waiting to get lucky. “Do the thing and you shall have the power.”-Emerson.
Which comes first, the courage to act or the act?
Most people think to have the courage first. Not really. Thinking it so limits people and prevents the enjoyment of other people. Emerson says it is the act first, then courage. Do the thing you are afraid of, and the fear will eventually diminish. Do the thing and you shall have the power.
Salespeople face fear daily; fear of cold-calling, fear of meeting powerful decision-makers, fear of closing a business deal, fear of asking a really large request of someone. Just make the sale. Just ask her out. Do the thing you fear and you shall have the power.
WE only fear what we do not understand. So, become a thinker, eyes open, and be an expert on that person.
Fear and love are two basic emotions. Hating someone means you fear something, mad at someone may mean you are afraid of losing something.
You can trace any anger to fear. So, the solution is to understand. All anger comes from fear and we only fear what we do not understand.
Do not take customers personally. Have fun with them-even the angry customers. Those who react with customers have hard time with customer relations emotionally… Be creative and clever. Let them feel you are on their side. Mirror their movements, talk, expression. After their talk, encourage to give details until they wear out. When we ask what kind of amends we should recommend.. they will answer. “ You have already done it. All I wanted was someone who cared….someone who would listen to me. You have done that.”
Train oneself to respond thoughtfully, or cleverly, to someone who is angry or mad. Be emotionally independent. Do not allow other emotions dictate your response. I cultivate and nurture my own emotions. People have no power to make us mad or angry.. Have creative thinking flowed by courageous effort…..by our own controlling our own consciousness, By making a difference, I am in control of my thoughts and my life.
Happiness and a meaningful life come from making differences.
The more we keep making differences, your skill will automatically increase. Anything human beings repeat they get more skillful at. Including misery!”
Whenever we make someone feel wrong for how they are feeling, we put distance between us. Feelings are the same. Closeness comes from revealing ourselves, dramatizing what we have in common.
Criticism creates distance, but agreement brings us closer.
To connect with the other person, is to think of listening as a skill, a conscious and thoughtful action. Relationships will alter immediately for the better, when we do away from most people reacting emotionally and unconsciously.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
(D) GIVE FROM YOUR SPIRIT SELF!
Give from your spirit self for spontaneous bond!
There are two types of listening that will diminish good relationsjhips:-
1. Preoccupied listening, and
2. Prejudicial listening.
Preoccupied lstening means appearing to be listening to you, but the listener is actually thinking of other things, or with other ideas in his head.
When we listen with a good follow through, that is a good connection; it builds good relationship. because listening creates an immediate bond.
Another damaging relationship is prejudicial listening, meaning, judging something before the evidence , has been presented.....I am judging what you are going to say before you even say it! Preducial listening is very common cause for relationship to break down. The reason I didn't hear you is because I felt I already knew what you were about to say.....setting up a filter in my mind, already interpret what you are saying before you have a chance to say it.
Young immature mind hovers over the mind; it is hard for them to stay focussed on any conversation. The kind of listening to keep practising is engaged listening.---like, one guy who was engaged to his wife, engaged listening, literally! We listen in a way honors and adores the other person, like becoming engaged. I can only get better and better through engaged listening, through repetition. When my mind leaves me, I simply bring it back, repeating the process, will get easier and easier. Repetition increases skill. Anything I am getting better at becomes more and more fun to do, especially true of engaged listening.
Accepting listening as an active skill, we can listening creatively by combining our words with other person's words., weaving them together in the most creative manner. How can I make a difference with the person I am listening to? The more differences I can make to you, my confidence rises, and this will make easier for me to listen to you.
Sometimes, people worry too much on using imagination.-- misuse of it. Worrying about disappointment, sadness, anger, about love not returned, about being rejected; using imagination for worry than creating its proper use of it. Look inside to find the intention, and your purpose. Do you want to make a difference in someone's life---making him happy? That's inside you, look outside and start getting busy!
Create an optimistic voice inside---you were there for her, support her. Keep smiling, laughing. You can start any minute now.
The more thought I give into what I want to give the other person, the better the relationship. Do not let the heart determine when to start and give, Let your mind and spirit join together and plan to make someone feel happy. Do not wait until you feel like giving. Give from your spirit self!
There are two types of listening that will diminish good relationsjhips:-
1. Preoccupied listening, and
2. Prejudicial listening.
Preoccupied lstening means appearing to be listening to you, but the listener is actually thinking of other things, or with other ideas in his head.
When we listen with a good follow through, that is a good connection; it builds good relationship. because listening creates an immediate bond.
Another damaging relationship is prejudicial listening, meaning, judging something before the evidence , has been presented.....I am judging what you are going to say before you even say it! Preducial listening is very common cause for relationship to break down. The reason I didn't hear you is because I felt I already knew what you were about to say.....setting up a filter in my mind, already interpret what you are saying before you have a chance to say it.
Young immature mind hovers over the mind; it is hard for them to stay focussed on any conversation. The kind of listening to keep practising is engaged listening.---like, one guy who was engaged to his wife, engaged listening, literally! We listen in a way honors and adores the other person, like becoming engaged. I can only get better and better through engaged listening, through repetition. When my mind leaves me, I simply bring it back, repeating the process, will get easier and easier. Repetition increases skill. Anything I am getting better at becomes more and more fun to do, especially true of engaged listening.
Accepting listening as an active skill, we can listening creatively by combining our words with other person's words., weaving them together in the most creative manner. How can I make a difference with the person I am listening to? The more differences I can make to you, my confidence rises, and this will make easier for me to listen to you.
Sometimes, people worry too much on using imagination.-- misuse of it. Worrying about disappointment, sadness, anger, about love not returned, about being rejected; using imagination for worry than creating its proper use of it. Look inside to find the intention, and your purpose. Do you want to make a difference in someone's life---making him happy? That's inside you, look outside and start getting busy!
Create an optimistic voice inside---you were there for her, support her. Keep smiling, laughing. You can start any minute now.
The more thought I give into what I want to give the other person, the better the relationship. Do not let the heart determine when to start and give, Let your mind and spirit join together and plan to make someone feel happy. Do not wait until you feel like giving. Give from your spirit self!
Thursday, March 13, 2008
(C) COMMIT YOURSELF TO CHANGE WITHIN.
Commit yourself to change within.
Thinking can solve relationship problems, as Voltaire said "No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking." But, the irony is this, we do not sustain thinking, the moment we do start it, feelings will take over, the inner voice said,"I don't want to think about it."
When people actually have the problem, they become wireD up emotionally that they are no longer rational. The inner consultant's voice can help, giving you some distance to think about it, and sustained thinking can always solve the problem.
The risking way can help you to grow, and you become your best and be happy, advised psychologist, Dr, David Viscott.
Begin with small risks, e.g. A compliment you give though you were first reluctant to give. The list can go on, like, writing a small note of thanks,
a warm hug, a discussion. When the small risk expands, start larger risks, releasing your butterflies to fly away.
Be a good listener to your loved ones, or someone important to you. Having two ears than one mouth, I should proportionate my listening twice to talking less. We can improve relationship by being sincere to listen to someone's grievance, suggestion or recommendation, or even a child's
talk. Become enchanted, listen to the sweet music of the child's voice, WE feel it, touch it and amused by it, and the child will echo back, "Dad's listening to me. Wow! he cares for me!"
The same can be appreciated by your customer or anyone who listens attentively. When you put your full attention to listen to the woes of a lonely wife, teenager, friend, and anyone who needs attention, see the glow of the his/her eyes! At last, someone listens to me; sometimes, my parents do not listen, they hear me only.
Good relationship is spontaneous when two persons can laugh together, so do you have a sense of humour?
"The shortest distance between two persons is a laugh."--Victor Borge. Whatever you are doing, if it is not fun, you are not doing it right. Laugh, and the world laughs with you; it is so true with good relationship.
"To make a friend, be one." -Emerson.
"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."-Steven Covey.
We all want to seek the right mates, forgetting first to be the right mates ourselves. We want others to improve, or change first, before we become better friends. The reverse is true to have closer relationships.
People tend to learn ideas faster when they relate to their personal lives. When things improve at home, other relationships will improve accordingly. Change yourself first before practising to change others; all improvements start within oneself.
Once I learnt from an experienced pastor, who was speaking alone with an enthusiastic Hindu. The Hindu man kept telling him why he believed his religion was right, non-violent religion; he kept vows and devotion, his prayers were answered, kept faithful for many years, including his family members. Almost an hour passed, the pastor asked more questions, showing interest in his beliefs.
The pastor listened well, except asked short questions. Then the Hindu man realised he had talked alot, and felt tired. He asked, "Hey, I don't know what your beliefs are? Tell me."
Then the pastor summoned all his courage to give a precise talk about Jesus, God's Son who brought a change in his life through Repentance and Mercy. Towards the end, the Hindu man asked, "How can I join him?" He was baptised the next week.
This example of a listening pastor can be a good lesson of making a great missionary.
In fact, I actually practised this method in Penang, of being totally interested in one Protestant whose knowledge of the Bible was at his finger-tips. He could quote off-hand at any situation or story. I was enthralled by his enthusiasm and cleverness in the scriptures. For three nights the missionary couple and I discussed quotations in the Bible, because that was his interest, until the last night, I gave some quotations from Alma, and Helaman. He came back vociferiously that he could not find them in the Bible! I apologised, but they were found in the new scriptures--the Book of Mormon. I asked "Do you believe what they said?" "Do you believe we should have new prophets to guide us?" He confirmed, so we gave him the new scriptions to search into. After one month, He was baptised into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, including his wife, and two children. That miracle and conversion came from the Lord, while the discussion and convincing were prepared by us, and then followed by the missionary Elders.
Sometimes, silence is an effective way or a gift we rarely remember to bring along--to tune in to what people are saying-- to respect silence. "When I am silent, the purity of self speaks to me, guides and nudges me." When I am silent, I hear the purity of another's self, speaking, and nudging me. I learn more through silence."- Stev Hardison, Personal coach to athletes and business leaders.
Sometimes, in the morning, we wake up and react to the bad news on the radio, television or press; the crime, injustice, lies that we cannot trust people anymore. Traffic jam. cold email received.
We are onslaught by the daily habit of reacting of other people's faults. "Why should my happiness depend on the thoughts in some else's head?" --Emerson.
How do we overcome this misery of craps?
Use the shifting concept. Shun away from your deep negative emotions, physical and emotion, and rise up to higher level of imagination. Rise above yourself in spirit. Start to think optimally, seek out the best books on how to really love a woman, if you have problem with a spouse.
When we shift from the low to a high level of imagination or creativity, everything shifts, like talking with customers. What works for the spouse can be applied to customers. From an empty canvass, we paint, and it becomes a picture, then we coloured with details. Relationships are not accidents, they are created.
Happiness does not come from other people. It comes from ourselves, within us. The destructive relationship illusion is that other people can make us happy. They can't. But our existing happiness we can share with other people. Change comes from agreement, not from making someone wrong.
The most common desire by clients is to change other people--even lovers say them aloud at one another--that is the very thing that make relationships worse.
Most people think for their relationships to get better, others should have to improve. With this anxiety to change others, it never works; because trying to change other people drives them DEEPER into their self defence system.. It drives them deeper and more committed to defend their behaviour. Upon being criticized, they become defensive to rationalize their behavour, even more proud of it; thus, it guarantees to strengthen their orginal behaviour!
So, this cycle of defensiveness grows for both sides, and separation widens.
When we try to change others, we assume they are wrong or doing wrong. Thus, in the process, it was initially a tendency, now, it is a principle of theirs--more invested in their own behaviour. By trying to help them to change, you've actually increased their behaviour they do not want..
For change in life, change what is under your control--change yourself first! By this example, it will enlighten the other party wanting to change.
Thinking can solve relationship problems, as Voltaire said "No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking." But, the irony is this, we do not sustain thinking, the moment we do start it, feelings will take over, the inner voice said,"I don't want to think about it."
When people actually have the problem, they become wireD up emotionally that they are no longer rational. The inner consultant's voice can help, giving you some distance to think about it, and sustained thinking can always solve the problem.
The risking way can help you to grow, and you become your best and be happy, advised psychologist, Dr, David Viscott.
Begin with small risks, e.g. A compliment you give though you were first reluctant to give. The list can go on, like, writing a small note of thanks,
a warm hug, a discussion. When the small risk expands, start larger risks, releasing your butterflies to fly away.
Be a good listener to your loved ones, or someone important to you. Having two ears than one mouth, I should proportionate my listening twice to talking less. We can improve relationship by being sincere to listen to someone's grievance, suggestion or recommendation, or even a child's
talk. Become enchanted, listen to the sweet music of the child's voice, WE feel it, touch it and amused by it, and the child will echo back, "Dad's listening to me. Wow! he cares for me!"
The same can be appreciated by your customer or anyone who listens attentively. When you put your full attention to listen to the woes of a lonely wife, teenager, friend, and anyone who needs attention, see the glow of the his/her eyes! At last, someone listens to me; sometimes, my parents do not listen, they hear me only.
Good relationship is spontaneous when two persons can laugh together, so do you have a sense of humour?
"The shortest distance between two persons is a laugh."--Victor Borge. Whatever you are doing, if it is not fun, you are not doing it right. Laugh, and the world laughs with you; it is so true with good relationship.
"To make a friend, be one." -Emerson.
"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."-Steven Covey.
We all want to seek the right mates, forgetting first to be the right mates ourselves. We want others to improve, or change first, before we become better friends. The reverse is true to have closer relationships.
People tend to learn ideas faster when they relate to their personal lives. When things improve at home, other relationships will improve accordingly. Change yourself first before practising to change others; all improvements start within oneself.
Once I learnt from an experienced pastor, who was speaking alone with an enthusiastic Hindu. The Hindu man kept telling him why he believed his religion was right, non-violent religion; he kept vows and devotion, his prayers were answered, kept faithful for many years, including his family members. Almost an hour passed, the pastor asked more questions, showing interest in his beliefs.
The pastor listened well, except asked short questions. Then the Hindu man realised he had talked alot, and felt tired. He asked, "Hey, I don't know what your beliefs are? Tell me."
Then the pastor summoned all his courage to give a precise talk about Jesus, God's Son who brought a change in his life through Repentance and Mercy. Towards the end, the Hindu man asked, "How can I join him?" He was baptised the next week.
This example of a listening pastor can be a good lesson of making a great missionary.
In fact, I actually practised this method in Penang, of being totally interested in one Protestant whose knowledge of the Bible was at his finger-tips. He could quote off-hand at any situation or story. I was enthralled by his enthusiasm and cleverness in the scriptures. For three nights the missionary couple and I discussed quotations in the Bible, because that was his interest, until the last night, I gave some quotations from Alma, and Helaman. He came back vociferiously that he could not find them in the Bible! I apologised, but they were found in the new scriptures--the Book of Mormon. I asked "Do you believe what they said?" "Do you believe we should have new prophets to guide us?" He confirmed, so we gave him the new scriptions to search into. After one month, He was baptised into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, including his wife, and two children. That miracle and conversion came from the Lord, while the discussion and convincing were prepared by us, and then followed by the missionary Elders.
Sometimes, silence is an effective way or a gift we rarely remember to bring along--to tune in to what people are saying-- to respect silence. "When I am silent, the purity of self speaks to me, guides and nudges me." When I am silent, I hear the purity of another's self, speaking, and nudging me. I learn more through silence."- Stev Hardison, Personal coach to athletes and business leaders.
Sometimes, in the morning, we wake up and react to the bad news on the radio, television or press; the crime, injustice, lies that we cannot trust people anymore. Traffic jam. cold email received.
We are onslaught by the daily habit of reacting of other people's faults. "Why should my happiness depend on the thoughts in some else's head?" --Emerson.
How do we overcome this misery of craps?
Use the shifting concept. Shun away from your deep negative emotions, physical and emotion, and rise up to higher level of imagination. Rise above yourself in spirit. Start to think optimally, seek out the best books on how to really love a woman, if you have problem with a spouse.
When we shift from the low to a high level of imagination or creativity, everything shifts, like talking with customers. What works for the spouse can be applied to customers. From an empty canvass, we paint, and it becomes a picture, then we coloured with details. Relationships are not accidents, they are created.
Happiness does not come from other people. It comes from ourselves, within us. The destructive relationship illusion is that other people can make us happy. They can't. But our existing happiness we can share with other people. Change comes from agreement, not from making someone wrong.
The most common desire by clients is to change other people--even lovers say them aloud at one another--that is the very thing that make relationships worse.
Most people think for their relationships to get better, others should have to improve. With this anxiety to change others, it never works; because trying to change other people drives them DEEPER into their self defence system.. It drives them deeper and more committed to defend their behaviour. Upon being criticized, they become defensive to rationalize their behavour, even more proud of it; thus, it guarantees to strengthen their orginal behaviour!
So, this cycle of defensiveness grows for both sides, and separation widens.
When we try to change others, we assume they are wrong or doing wrong. Thus, in the process, it was initially a tendency, now, it is a principle of theirs--more invested in their own behaviour. By trying to help them to change, you've actually increased their behaviour they do not want..
For change in life, change what is under your control--change yourself first! By this example, it will enlighten the other party wanting to change.
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